When we have trauma in our lives, almost nothing feels safe. As a therapist, I want to help you find safety, so that you can learn to feel whole again. This section of my site offers some tried and tested tools to help you find safety beyond the therapy room.
Support
As you follow the simple steps below, take the time to notice what is happening in your body, both during and afterwards. This is somatic experiencing.
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Place your right hand under your left arm pit, next to your heart. Place the other on your shoulder opposite.
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Place one hand on your forehead and the other on the back of your neck, where the head meets the neck.
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Place your left hand on your forehead, the other on your chest, over your heart.
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Place a hand on your forehead and one on the stomach.
Be patient. Wait until you feel a shift, or physical change within the body – this is the most important moment.
54321 Senses
Take your time with each of these, the more you concentrate the quicker you will arrive in the here and now.
5 Look around you, what are five things you can see right now? Look for details in things, look above you, behind you, next to you and name them out loud or in your head.
4 Become aware of four things you can touch and feel, perhaps the texture of your trousers, your jumper, the sofa, the carpet, what are your four? Spend time touching and feeling these things.
3 What can you hear? Name and listen for a moment to three things you can hear. Can you hear the birds, what about the air and the space between objects, does that have a sound?
2 Name two things you can smell, what can you smell right now, the sheets, your clothes, how about your skin, can you smell you?
1 Lastly, what can you tase? Can you still taste the last thing you ate or drank? Perhaps your tongue has a taste, what does it taste like?
Repeat this process as many times as you like and notice how you feel, what has changed?
Tara Brach
Click on the below image to access a guided meditation by Tara Brach, using the RAIN practice for arising emotions:
- Recognize what is happening;
- Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
- Investigate with interest and care;
- Nurture with self-compassion.
To learn more about Tara Brach follow this link to her website https://www.tarabrach.com/
Talking to your feelings
As I have explained elsewhere on this website, we make decisions about the world and how safe we are in it when we are in infancy. This means that some of the things we have decided don’t make a huge amount of sense in our adult lives. When emotions arise, try having a conversation with them as if they were a friend, a loved one or a small child. Ask your feelings what they are afraid of, what they need, how you can help and notice the answers that arise. Perhaps write them down in a journal.
Often anxiety for instance, seems to be against you, hindering your life and stopping you from doing things you want to do, it is actually trying to help. It has made a decision very early in life about how to keep you safe. Recognising that these parts are not against you but trying to help you is a great first step towards self care and compassion.
Place your hand on your heart area as you listen deeply to yourself and know that this is the beginning of your journey to health and wellbeing.
Track the sensations in your body
For some people this is difficult, some of us are disconnected from the sensations in our body, if you are one of those people, then this practice is not necessarily for you. Give it a go, but know that you are not alone if you cannot connect with this.
Our bodies and our minds are funny creatures and we can experience sensations arise and our minds will immediately jump to an idea of what these sensations mean. When emotions arise such as panic, anxiety, sadness, depression or anger, take the time to separate the feeling and the story from the sensations in your body. You can do this by naming out loud what those sensations are; constrictions in my throat, tension in my tummy, cold fingers, racing heart.
Also notice areas in which things are ok, how does the back of your knee feel, how about your arms. Alternate between that which is uncomfortable and that which is comfortable, this is called pendulation. Feel free to move your arms and hands a little if there’s tensions in your torso area. And your feet if you notice aches in your legs.
Keep remembering that your task is to let go of the story of what is happening and why and simply to keep noticing and tracking the sensations.
Repeat this exercise, breathing deeply through your nose, not your mouth if you can. Notice any changes in how you feel.
Poem
The poem below is one which deeply inspires me to live my best life and is one I hope will inspire you to do the same. I feel it is a poem to inspire us to take whatever road necessary towards healing.
““I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.””
— Dawna Markova, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion
Jack Cornfield
Jack Cornfield has lots of beautiful and helpful, free and guided meditations on his website. https://jackkornfield.com/meditations/
